The Fandom Bicycle
by WhoMuse
Summary: The Doctor is more than a little annoyed when he finds out that he is essentially the 'fandom bicycle'. Characters/Pairings: Eleven, Rory Williams, Amy Pond


"What does that say?" asked Rory, fascinated. "The Doctor? And Who?"

"Not so much "Who" as "What" in this case," Amy replied. "But if it's people you want, check this out."

"Wait. Does that say, Eleven/Captain Jack? Who's Captain Jack?"

"No idea," replied Amy, giggling. "But he seems hot! Read it!"

"Amy, I don't know about this..."

"Come on, Rory! Don't be so uptight. Look, here's one with girls in it if you'd rather have that. 'Eleven/River/Rose Tyler'".

"I can't read that! River's our daughter! That's wrong on so many levels."

"Well, there are twenty-one pages of prompts. You pick one!"

"What if I don't want to pick one? This is so... weird."

"Oh stop it. You watch porn, don't you?"

"I... no! Of course not! I'm married. Besides, you're with me all the time. When would I have a chance to..."

"Have you ever watched it?"

Rory flushed, which was all the answer that Amy needed. She shot him a knowing look.

"But this is different," Rory protested. "This is people we know!"

"Yes! Now you're getting it."

Rory hunched over the laptop and scrolled through the lists of story summaries, mostly to avoid Amy's smarmy grin. What he saw there did nothing to relieve his embarrassment. On the contrary. The first few stories Amy had described turned out to be the more conventional of the couplings on offer. Or the triplings. There were more, many more. And almost all of them featured their friend, the Doctor, in an infinite variety of adult adventures that would never make it onto the BBC. Some of them even featured Rory. And/or his wife! Well, he had to find out what that was about, didn't he?

About an hour later, a dazed Rory looked up from the screen. "Just one" story had turned into two. Two had turned into three, then four, then he had lost count. He felt excited and a bit weirded out at the same time. He turned to Amy, who had been reading over his shoulder.

"So? What do you think?" she inquired.

"I... don't know yet."

"The Doctor was rather busy in that last one, eh?" Amy asked, with a nudge of Rory's shoulder. They both burst out laughing.

"Yeah," Rory agreed. "He really is the fandom bicycle, isn't he?"

"The fandom what?" came a voice from the door.

Rory stopped laughing as his heart sank. He turned around to see the Time Lord himself, leaning against their doorframe, arms folded, an inquisitive expression on his face.

Rory froze. His first instinct was to slam the computer closed but he know that would only attract attention to it. His eyes slid to Amy, but she was staring at the Doctor, mouth agape.

"N...nothing," Rory replied. "It's nothing."

"Then why do you both look like you've just seen a ghost? Come on, you were talking about me, weren't you? So? What did I do now?"

_"Oh, god if only you knew what you did!"_ Rory thought, flashing back to the last story. Amy must have been thinking the same thing because now she looked like she trying not to burst out laughing.

A few strides of his long legs and the Doctor was at Rory's side, peering over his shoulder at the screen. "Come on, give! Did you find my old journals again? I told the TARDIS to be sure they were locked this time... oh. Not my old journals. What's this, then?"

"Not your old journals," Rory echoed.

"But it is about me, though. Hmmm."

Rory hoped that if he stayed still and silent enough, he'd vanish into thin air.

The Doctor's eyes raced over the screen. He frowned. "'Eleven?' Why do they call me that? No one calls me that."

Rory glanced at Amy, but she seemed uncharacteristically speechless.

"Um... to differentiate you from your... other selves?" he ventured.

"My other _regenerations_? You mean they're in here too?"

"Maybe?"

The Doctor grabbed the wireless mouse and clicked on a link. "'Eleven/Eight/Four and The Planet of The Hot Tubs,'" he read out loud, much to the chagrin of his Companions. "How would that even _work_?"

"You have a... time machine?"

"And you think I'd use it to... ewww!"

"No! No, we don't think it!" Rory replied hastily. "Some... other people do."

The Doctor clicked on some more links. "'Eleven/Nurse Sontaran.' 'Eleven/Restak.' 'Eleven/Liz10/Smiler.' What? This is _outrageous_!"

Rory goggled at him. This was much worse than the time his mum had found a lingerie catalog under his mattress when he was ten.

"Oh shut up, it's just for fun," Amy put in, causing both men to look at her as if they'd forgotten she was in the room.

"Amy," the Doctor said in a low voice as realization dawned. "This is your laptop, isn't it?"

"Yes," she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder and meeting his gaze.

The Doctor's gaze flashed from Amy to Rory, and Rory was not quite as successful as his wife at maintaining eye contact. He stared at the laptop instead.

The Oncoming Storm, very pale except for a bright pink spot high on each cheekbone, turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.

Rory sighed.

"Do you think we should we should go after him?"

"Nope." Amy replied. "He'll be all right."

Rory stood up and started pacing. "What do you think he's going to do?"

Amy smiled and caught Rory in her arms as he passed by. "The same thing you or I would do."

"Which is?"

"Reading. Lots and lots of reading."


End file.
